Even If I'm Alone
by Resha04
Summary: I'm glad to be with everyone, I'm glad to have been with everyone . But on the morning when I wake up, no one is there. HetaOni. T for violence and some language.


A kind of songfic for HetaOni with the song **Ichiban no Takaramono (original version)** from **Angel Beats!**

**I do no****t own Hetalia nor the song**** nor HetaOni**

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><p><em>If my cuffs are wet, I should wait for them to dry<em>

_Water bounced off with a sound_

_You taught me that so I'm not scared anymore_

"Calm down, Italy!"

"B-B-But, you're bleeding, you're bleeding so much, Germany!"

"It's just a scratch, don't freak out over something like this."

How can I not freak out? You're in pain, I know that. People say I'm the most clueless person in the world, but I know that the wound in your side isn't just a scratch like you claimed. Because I saw how that creature tore his ugly claw through your left side, and because I saw how you're slowly losing consciousness from the bloodlost.

"Don't cry, Italy." You said, voice still strong, but without the commanding tone. Instead, I hear the soft, almost comforting tone in it. You are not commanding me not to cry like you usually do. You are trying to sooth me, to stop my tears from flowing, to brush away the fear in my eyes and in my heart.

I don't want to make you worry. I don't want to make you sad. I don't want to be a burden to you again. So I wipe my tears and force out a smile.

_You've got to let go of my hand that you gripped_

"Ve… I'm sorry, Germany. I'm fine."

Somehow you see right through my smile, and because of that I make you more worried instead.

"Italy…"

"I'm fine. I can still go on."

I can still do this.

_Even if I'm alone, I'll go on, even if it's tough_

The key is hung on that creature's body. Glinting in the faint light as if mocking me. Mocking my bloodshot eyes, my tear stained face, and my blood stained uniform. Laughing at my torn heart and the pain in my throat as I force down another stream of tears.

The creature's voice is still ringing in my ears, echoing in my mind, bring up the bloody memories as it replays them one by one, showing me how he tore his claw through Germany and Prussia, slashed through Japan's back, smashed England's head to the walls and painted it red, choked the breath out of America and Russia, smashed open Canada's skull, and threw China to the wall, smashing all his bones.

And it has watched as I broke down crying, alone amidst my friends' blood, as I choked on my breath and screamed until my throat dry.

That's why I won't turn my back from the path, as thorny and painful as it is. As menacing and dark as the journal is. As uncertain as the time is.

_I'll definitely take along the dream I had with everyone_

The creature has broken me until nothing is left. Nothing, except one faint hope.

One faint hope that everyone told me, smiling and grinning. The faint hope that they held and fought just for my sake, for my genuine smile to linger.

So now I will hold and fight for it for the sake of everyone.

_I'm glad to be with everyone, I'm glad to have been with everyone_

Germany is always logical. Prussia is always illogical. Japan is always calm. America is always energetic. Canada is always shy. England is always grumpy. France is always flirty. China is always caring. Russia is always creepy.

Even when they were faced with death in this mansion, they still are.

I'm glad to be with everyone.

Germany was soft. Prussia was calm. Japan accepted. America refused. Canada wished. England was honest. France was serious. China yelled. Russia smiled genuinely.

I'm glad to have been with everyone.

_But on the morning when I wake up, no one is there_

"The person who doesn't listen, I'll make him run 10 laps."

"You better listen to him, or he'll make you run more laps."

"Fortunately they've forgotten that I came here."

"I think they can't hear me anymore, so I'll say this. They are my most precious persons."

"I'm glad that I finally can be of use for everyone."

"It's not that bad to have someone beside you when you die."

"Come now Italy, don't cry."

"I'm sorry, but this is where I fall."

"Even in this place… I'm all alone yet again…"

_Even if I look back, no one's shadow is there anymore_

_Only the puddles shined_

I scream.

I tear the kitchen cupboard open and throw all the china to the floor, not even bother to watch them break into million pieces.

I throw the chairs to the wall with all my might and watch as they break until only their debris remain.

I rip the rugs in half, roll them and kick them to the corner of the room.

I hit the mirrors until my palms bleed.

I scream and cry until I run out of breath and I fall to my knees. I choke and sob and plead, but only the silence answer me.

_Living my life, it's confronting my life_

You have to keep living, they told me.

They didn't understand. How can I live alone?

They didn't understand. When I step outside and leave this mansion, the world without everyone will break me into pieces, if that's even possible. I've broken to pieces. Can a broken piece be broken more than it already is?

_Even if I understand it, then after that,_

_I only need the courage to step forward_

Keep living, they told me.

So I will.

I will keep living to free everyone, to save everyone.

That's my sole purpose of living in this hell.

_I'll go everywhere, that's what I learned here_

Of everyone, _I'm_ the only one who make it out?

"I'm your last trophy, after all"

What the hell? _What the hell?_

The creature only stares, ugly eyes bore through mine. But I keep my gaze. Even the heavy rain feels harsh, the drops stab every inch of my body, just like my friends' blood have stabbed every part of my heart.

"You lost to a guy whose only redeeming feature is his fast feet."

I can feel myself laughing hysterically, my eyes stay at it. I hate it. I hate that creature so much, so much like I'd never thought I could.

"Take us back!"

I'll go anywhere. Through time. Through that bloody past in this cursed mansion, through many more pasts if I have to.

"You can take us back in this warped space, can't you?"

Anywhere.

I'm scared, but I don't care. I'm hurt, but I ignore it. I'm broken, but I'll mend myself.

"If you do that, why don't you eat me first? If you can catch me, that is."

It's okay. I choose that everyone live without me, much rather than me living without them. Because it's lonely, it's sad, it's painful, it's shattering.

"GO BACK!"

_I'll show you I'll fulfill the dream known as happiness_

_Even if I'm separated from everyone,_

_No matter how far apart we are_

_This me will live the brand new morning_

"Italy-kun, what do you want to do once we get out of this?"

We will go to Japan's house. We'll have a party there. We'll be having lots of delicious food and drink. Then we'll go to the amusement park, together, all of us. With nii-chan and Spain nii-chan too. And maybe with Austria-san, Hungary-san, Korea, Swiss-san, Liechtenstein, Lithuania-san, Poland-san, Latvia-san, Estonia-san, Belarus-san, and Ukraine-san as well.

With everyone.

_Even if I'm alone, I'll go on,_

_even if I want to die_

_I can hear your voice saying, "You mustn't die."_

"Try saying my name."

"R-Romano."

"No! Say my full name!"

"… Italy. Italy Romano."

"Yeah, that's right, I'm Italy too! I don't know everything you remember, but I do plan on carrying at least a little of that burden on my shoulders!"

My brother. My brother who's always grumpy. My brother who's always yelling. My brother whose vocabulary can shame a criminal. My brother who's never good at saying his feelings out loud.

My brother who I love so much, more than myself.

My brother who is the only family I have in this world.

I'll be so lonely without him, I'm not sure I can endure it.

"I'll fucking kill you if you dare to die!"

But without me, he will be as well.

"Please protect him, God,"

I hear him praying that night, so softly under his blanket that no one can hear it. No one, except me. I hear him inside my head, muttering the same prayer I've prayed for him through the Italian Wars, through the Unification of Italy, and through both World War.

"Please protect my idiot little brother. He's too idiot to realize,"

And I remember the lonely nights without him, me alone in the too big room, in the too quiet house.

"That I can't live on without him."

Hearing it directly from his mouth, without even one foul words, I suddenly have difficulty to breath properly. I'm holding it in, afraid that I will lose the next words, but also afraid that I'll start sobbing and distract him from his prayer.

"Without him, I'll be alone. I'll be fucking alone. It's so painful, God, You know that the most. But since he doesn't seem to realize,"

And I mutter under my breath, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,"

"Please don't let him die."

He repeats the prayer just as softly, as I chant "I'm sorry," for times, my voice barely above a whisper, and I realize tears have begun to form in my eyes.

"Amen."

"I'm so sorry, fratello."

He makes a cross sign and turn around in his bed, his back toward me. But not before I realize that his face glimmer with tears just like mine.

_Even if it's tough, even if I'm trapped in the dark_

_Deep in my heart, a light has been lit_

_To the me that lives at some point at time, and who isn't alone,_

_Once again, I made some mistakes, and also some progress._

_Meanwhile, I finally, but slowly, began to learn_

_**to rely on my friends**_

_I was constantly afraid that everyone would blame me for dragging them into this, and that they would hate me, or be appalled at me, or get mad at me, and leave me…_

_But then I was told that I had the wrong idea._

_They were very mad at me. It hurt so much. Not that they hit me, but it really hurt._

_I finally figure it out, but I can't pass this memory on to my next self. Unfortunately, I'll lose my life yet again._

_That's why I'm writing a letter. Say thanks to England._

_And tell them the truth. I'm sure they'll get mad, but it's not that they hate you or think you're a pain._

_Why didn't you rely on your friends sooner? What are friends for?_

_That's what they told me, and that's what they're going to tell you, too._

_I'm sure I'll cry. And then… and then…_

_Cycling and flowing, the times change_

_I can't recall what happened anymore_

_But if I try closing my eyes, there's everyone laughter_

I watch as the paper is passed around. Everyone's faces are literally lighten. Gilbert is laughing at Ludwig, who scowls in annoyance at the teasing. Alfred is laughing too, while hitting Matthew's back with enough force to send the latter tumbling to Francis, causing Arthur to start nagging at him. Ivan is practically locking Yao in his grip, while cheerfully says to be one with him. Yao is struggling and yelling at him, while Kiku can only watch helplessly. Antonio is smiling widely at Lovino while making a lame joke, while the latter only scowls at him. Finally, my brother passes the paper to me. As my eyes scan the names written there, I don't realize that I'm smiling until I lift my eyes and see everyone's gaze at me.

They're smiling too.

Arthur Kirkland.

Alfred F. Jones.

Matthew Williams.

Francis Bonnefoy.

Ludwig.

Gilbert Beilschmidt.

Ivan Braginski.

Yao Wang.

Kiku Honda.

Antonio Fernandez Carriedo.

Lovino Vargas.

And I pick up the pen and sign the paper.

Feliciano Vargas.

_Somehow that's my most precious treasure now_

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><p><strong>AN:**

This is my first fic using first person view. (O-O)

This fic is inspired from a tribute to HetaOni in youtube using this song. It was my first time hearing it and I thought, "How fitting it is for HetaOni and for Italy!"

This song is so beautiful and touching and emotional. There are 2 versions as far as I know, with different singer and slightly different lyrics. The one I used in this fic is the original version, thus the singer is Karuta. The other is titled **Ichiban no Takaramono (final version)** with LiSA (I think) as the singer. The lyric in the original version refers to friends I think, because it uses the word "everyone", while the final version looks like it refers to one special person/lover because it uses the words "someone" and "you".

Personally, I like the lyric and the song of the original version better. It's more sad and emotional in my opinion. But if you're free, please listen to both. :)

About the scenes from HetaOni, I'm perfectly aware that some scenes don't precisely follow the game, and also the quotes. That's because I don't remember which part has the scene I was looking for, and I can't bring myself to re-watch it since it will only break my heart to pieces again.

There are some parts that I made up, for example Canada's part and the part where Italy overheard Romano prayed.

I tried to keep everyone in character, but I know OOC-ness is unavoidable in fanfics, so please do tell me if there's any.

Constructive criticisms are always welcomed. :)

Thank you for reading! *huggies*


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